Donald Trump apparently opened a new front in his war with Ted Cruz last night with this tweet:
“My climate plan is HUGE! Ted’s plan is tiny, tiny, tiny.”
Cruz immediately struck back:
“Trump’s climate plan is as small as his hands!”
Establishment Republicans were appalled that the presidential campaign had reached a new low. “I can’t believe we’re reduced to discussing the size of the candidate’s climate plans,” moaned David Brooks.
“I never thought Ted would ever discuss his climate plan in public,” said one staff member. “That was something he was only talking about with a few intimates.” The staff member would not comment on a National Enquirer story indicating that Cruz had in fact been rather promiscuous in his policy discussions.
Reince Priebus, chair of the Republican National Committee emphasized that the Party as a whole had no climate plans and expected never to have any. “This is just an example of campaign rhetoric getting out of control.”
In the meantime, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders scrambled to reposition themselves on the climate issue.
Just as the dueling tweets seemed to take the campaign to a new place, Trump campaign officials announced that the entire affair had been caused by a hyper-active auto-correct program. Trump had meant to tweet something making fun of Cruz’s career as a lawyer, to the effect that Trump’s “client plan” was bigger than Cruz’s.
“Trump can’t type,” trumpeted Cruz after this new disclosure. Trump immediately challenged Cruz to a typing contest, which Cruz laughed off.
With that, one of the strangest chapters in the already strange 2016 Presidential campaign came to an end, having begun and ended on April Fools Day, a day known for pranks and hoaxes.