Launching OPERATION EPIC FURRY

It’s time to rename the Endangered Species Act.

“They gave me a list of names. ‘Sir, you can pick the name you’d like, sir.’ I said, the name of what? ‘The name of the attack! On Iran, sir.’ And they gave me like 20 names. And I’m like falling asleep. I didn’t like any of them. Then I see Epic Fury.”

                                       — President Trump, at a campaign rally.

Marketing hasn’t been an environmentalist strong point.  The 1970 law requiring environmental impact statements is called NEPA (for National Environmental Policy Act). The 2023 law weakening it is called BUILDER.  That originally stood Building United States Infrastructure through Limited Delays and Efficient Reviews. But the explanation for the name got left out of the final bill, so BUILDER is now just a free-floating brand name, and a pretty successful one too.

Environmentalists need to up their game Consider the Endangered Species Act. That’s an accurate but uninspiring name. Where’s the pizzaz? Where’s the sparkle? And the acronym ESA is just lame.

The aspects of the ESA that appeal most to the public are its protections of iconic creatures like polar bears and cute creatures like black-footed ferrets. Why not take a leaf from Trump’s book and rebrand? Make it big, bold, and appealing: EPIC FURRY.  Sounds thrilling!

Given the precedent of the BUILDER Act, we probably don’t have to make this the acronym for some longer title. Acronyms are themselves kind of lame, and companies like Exxon have long since discarded the need to make their name mean anything. But if you insist, EPIC FURRY could stand for Endangered Prized Innocent Creatures Flourishing Under Real-world Regulatory Yodas. The title doesn’t mean anything, but has a nice Star Wars connection, which never hurt anyone’s marketing. And what regulator wouldn’t like to be compared with Yoda the Jedi Master?

“ESA” is instantly forgettable. But once you hear about OPERATION EPIC FURRY, you won’t easily forget it.

Endangered Species Act, environmental humor, environmental politics, Trump Administration