A Tearful Trump Rues Climate Denial
Greta Thurnberg Given Free Mar-a-Lago Lifetime Membership
Tears ran down his face as Trump paused in the middle of an unscheduled coronavirus briefing late last night. He turned to reporters saying, “Climate change. It’s a disaster. Who knew? It’s a real disaster. I alone can fix this!” Stunned White House aides attributed the comments to a telephone conversation that evening between Trump and Tiger Woods. Woods apparently informed Trump about the impact of climate change on golf courses.
fThe President had been shocked to learn about the threat of sea level rise to many golf courses, including his own. Woods explained to a dismayed Trump that flooding and drought also pose serious risks to courses.
Climate scientists have not focused on the golf course issue in the past, but say they now plan to devote a chapter in the next IPCC report to the subject.
The exchange on the White House lawn was followed by a tweet storm, including the following:
Climate change is real. Nobody knew!
Crooked Hillary tried to Hide climate Change in her emails. We know better!
Media thought they could Double Fake ME! NOT POSSIBLE.
Lyin’, cheatin’, liddle’ Adam “Shifty” Schiff should investigate Oil Companies!, not Me.
Put America Back to wOrk! MORE SOLAR PANELS!
Vowing bold action against climate change, the President tasked his son-in-law Jared Kushner with eliminating all carbon emissions by the end of 2020. Meanwhile, budget cutter Mark Meadows was told to “Balance the carbon budget or your head will be on a pike.” Trump allegedly also threatened to cut off aid to Ukraine unless that country adopted a carbon tax.
Jaded White House staff took the sudden change in policy in stride. “Just another day in Trumpland,” said one staff member.
Others simply hunkered down and waited for April 1 to be over.