A Tearful Trump Rues Climate Denial

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Tears ran down his face as Trump paused in the middle of an unscheduled coronavirus briefing late last night. He turned to reporters saying, “Climate change. It’s a disaster. Who knew? It’s a real disaster. I alone can fix this!” Stunned White House aides attributed the comments to a telephone conversation that evening between Trump and Tiger Woods. Woods apparently informed Trump about the impact of climate change on golf courses.

fThe President had been shocked to learn about the threat of sea level rise to many golf courses, including his own. Woods explained to a dismayed Trump that flooding and drought also pose serious risks to courses.

Climate scientists have not focused on the golf course issue in the past, but say they now plan to devote a chapter in the next IPCC report to the subject.

The exchange on the White House lawn was followed by a tweet storm, including the following:

Climate change is real. Nobody knew!

Crooked Hillary tried to Hide climate Change in her emails. We know better!

Media thought they could Double Fake ME! NOT POSSIBLE.

Lyin’, cheatin’, liddle’ Adam “Shifty” Schiff should investigate Oil Companies!, not Me.

Put America Back to wOrk!  MORE SOLAR PANELS!

Vowing bold action against climate change, the President tasked his son-in-law Jared Kushner with eliminating all carbon emissions by the end of 2020. Meanwhile, budget cutter Mark Meadows was told to “Balance the carbon budget or your head will be on a pike.”  Trump allegedly also threatened to cut off aid to Ukraine unless that country adopted a carbon tax.

Jaded White House staff took the sudden change in policy in stride. “Just another day in Trumpland,” said one staff member.

Others simply hunkered down and waited for April 1 to be over.

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Reader Comments

6 Replies to “A Tearful Trump Rues Climate Denial”

  1. If this is not an April fools joke it should be. Worst case scenario is that when Trump realized that global warming could affect his real estate enterprises he had an Epiphany. But what he said after that betrays an epiphany and sounds more like an April fools joke. Anyone can pucker their mouth as if they were crying but tell me, where are the tears? If the pucker is real it’s a pucker of self-pity. Just when one thinks that our moron in chief can’t get any more egregious in his behavior he does.

  2. Well I guess I fell for the April fools joke. Shame on Legal planet for taking vantage of the fact that this is something that Trump might do. Or attempt to do. It’s no more ridiculous or shameful than anything else he has done. But I confess I did fall for it

  3. I’m really sorry if anyone was led astray. I was hoping that it would be clear from the story that it wasn’t serious. But these days, it’s increasingly hard to tell fact from fiction!

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About Dan

Dan Farber has written and taught on environmental and constitutional law as well as about contracts, jurisprudence and legislation. Currently at Berkeley Law, he has al…

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